You Gotta Believe


If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't
believe in you, you should get out before you stop believing
in yourself.

I count myself among the fortunate people having a spouse
who totally believes in me unconditionally. In the 20 years
we've been married, I have enjoyed the freedom to try many
things. Whenever a new idea comes up my wife will always ask,
"Does it look good to you?" This is always be followed with,
"Go for it!"

Hindsight being 20/20, many of those things were rather
hair-brained and resulted in a 'learning experience', which
is the politically correct way of saying it BOMBED! Never
once did my wife come back with, "I told you so. You are
such a loser. You can't succeed at anything!" Quite the
opposite. She always makes me FEEL like a winner just for
trying. And that gives me the courage to 'go for it' again
and again.

OK, so your family, friends and associates don't come right
out and blatantly rip you apart either. Still, with every
'learning experience' you feel their faith in you slipping
ever so gradually until the years finally take their toll.

Here's how to tell when your partner has total faith in you:

1) Shows Sincere Interest - My wife will ask me questions
like, "When were you thinking of starting this project?"
She always comes along with me to check things out and get
started.

She was there when I joined bowling leagues, Tae Kwon Do
classes, Toastmasters and writing courses. She helped pick
out tools and computer equipment (two things of which she
knows nothing about). She sat through numerous business
meetings that I knew held very little interest for her. But
none of this mattered to her. She was there for ME!

2) Talks About You - Another great clue is how your partner
talks about you to others, especially other family members
and close friends. The way my wife talks about me, you
might think I just came up with the ultimate solution for
world peace. What a tremendous confidence booster this is.

3) Supports You Directly - A few of my projects involved an
investment. Whatever the cost my wife would ask, "Do we
have it?" And if we did, she would simply say, "Go for it."
If the funds were tight she would ask, "How soon do you
think we'll be able to get started?" There was never a
question of 'If'; just 'When'.

More often she supports me with gifts of time. She either
picks up my normal routine chores or lets them slide for a
week or so without a word while I immerse myself in my latest
scheme.

4) Other Signs - You don't have to be a genius to figure
out these other signs. Rolling eyeballs, heavy sighs,
crossed arms, tone of voice and other negative signals are
easy enough to pick up. They show lack of belief and are
killers in every sense of the word. Remember how it feels
when someone uses these tactics on you and vow to avoid
these in all of your meaningful relationships.

At this point a lot of you may be thinking, "Either this guy
is making this stuff up or he is one helluva lucky guy!"

Actually, both are incorrect. However, if you must insist
on one, the latter would be closest to the truth.

Here's the real secret to this whole deal.

My wife totally believes in me because I totally believe in
her. But sometimes this can be very hard to do.

And that's what makes this all the more incredible. Let's
face it, as human beings we tend to be mostly interested in
ourselves and our own agendas. It's a challenge to be there
for someone else when you've got your own game going, and
it's the fourth quarter with the clock ticking down against
you.

But my experience tells me that it's exactly these critical
times when you need to show your belief in your partner.
Otherwise your own accomplishments will be meaningless and
unfulfilling because there won't be anyone around to believe
in you!

Now lest you think my wife is some kind of slouch with
nothing better to do than to cater to my every whim, note
that we are business partners and she is also in the process
of writing her first book. Trust me, there are days when
she barely has enough time for herself, let alone me. But
she still makes me FEEL like a priority!

What goes around, comes around. Review the 4 pointers
listed above and apply them daily until they become a
natural part of who you are. People will believe in you
only to the degree that you believe in them. You gotta
believe!

Having said that, if you have done everything you can to
earn belief and your partner still doesn't believe in you,
then you should get out of that relationship as quickly as
you can before you lose faith in yourself.

Blessings from Toronto,
Russ